Best international dating party organizer in Japan

Hello everyone and Happy New Year!  I hope you guys all got to enjoy a nice holiday and I certainly hope you guys weren’t stuck at work like some people I know.  I already told you guys a bit about New Year’s here and I hope that whether you counted down the new year in a club, with family and friends or with a nice bowl of ramen you at least had your version of a good time.  I will say that I spent my holiday doing all 3, but not at the same time.

So today we will talk about something that is a big cultural difference between Japan and North America.  I am talking PDA, or public displays of affection.

When I dated girls in the West, they always wanted to hold hands, kiss and stroke their hair on dates.  One girl was always putting her hand in my pocket, which to be honest, I found more annoying than romantic.  I suppose it lets them know I care for them, and though, to be honest, I don’t really like that kind of thing, I would generally go along for her sake.

So when I got to Japan, I thought things were the same.  So I started dating here, and eventually I found a girl who I started dating regularly, my first “girlfriend” here I guess you could say.  Anyway, I tried the same approach – She was fine with holding hands (a little stand-offish) but she was always shying away from kisses and other forms of touch – at least in public.  Behind closed doors she was very affectionate (lucky me), but when other eyes were around she was a different person.

I have learned that this is a cultural thing.  Japanese people aren’t cold per se – but they can often seem so.  And despite what rumors are going around these days, they are not asexual – thankful for all of us.  However, they are not so big on PDA.  I suspect it is because that Japanese people are always aware of who is watching them and generally don’t want to show their true feelings in public.

Basically, this is something you have to be aware of if you want to date a Japanese girl.  You might think that she is cold because she doesn’t want to hold your hand or make kissy face in public, but that isn’t necessarily the case.  She very well might want to be with you, she just doesn’t want to show a bunch of strangers.  Again, it’s one of those things you have to sense and adjust to.

I will add that this is changing with younger people and you will see couples holding hands, but it’s still pretty rare to see them kiss or do much more.

I say that if you feel comfortable with a girl, go for it and she might reciprocate.  But if she doesn’t, don’t let it kill your game.

Good luck,

Chris

Hi there, hope you guys are all getting ready for the new year!  If you are from North America like I am, New Year celebrations are likely different than you are used to.  In Japan they think of New Year’s Day as a time to be with family, while in North America they think of New Year’s Day as a time to nurse a hangover.  As a result, there isn’t the same party atmosphere that you might expect – especially if you aren’t living in a big city.  However, this isn’t to say that there is nothing going on – it just means you might have to go looking for them.  I recommend looking around Shibuya if you want to bring in the New Year in a club, you will still find younger Japanese people with the same mindset as you.

Anyway, this article is on one of the biggest issues when it comes to dating anywhere – who should pay the bill.  Despite how far you think gender equality has come along, the majority of Japanese women still prefer men to pay the bill and Japanese men still accept this burden.  This is especially true for older generations.  That said, things are changing, especially with younger Japanese men who are a little tired of the practice.  What we are left with is a very murky situation indeed.

Like I said, the vast majority of Japanese women want you to foot the bill – or at least pay more than they do – even on a first date.  This is true whether the girl you are dating is young or old.  What makes things more difficult is that women often “offer” to pay some money.  But don’t be fooled – they are probably just being polite and waiting for you to “man up”.  So what advice can I give you?  I say if it’s the first date and it goes well, you should give her an easy “this one’s on me” (Japanese：”ii kara, ii kara” and take out your money).  I’ve always liked this phrase because it implies that one day she will have to pay too.  If she isn’t your type, make her pay half.  As you get to know a girl, you will figure out what she prefers.

Just remember, no matter how far you think society has gone – don’t ask her to pay more than you.  For kicks I just asked the girls in the office what their reaction would be and let’s just say you would have a zero percent success rate with that strategy to say the least.

Hello everyone, and a Merry Christmas to you all!  If you are living in Japan, Christmas is certainly an odd occasion.  The Japanese seem to have chosen the things they like about Christmas – the shopping and the Christmas lights – and have added their own twists – fried chicken and Christmas cake.  In fact, most people – myself included – have to work on Christmas Day, which, as an American, is an absurd idea.  But the upcoming weekend is a high time for dating, so make sure you find that girl you like and take her out!

This week’s article assumes that you are already going on dates with a girl.  You probably think things are going great, but all of a sudden she might start acting odd without telling you why.  Or worse, she might just end the relationship without you ever knowing something was wrong.  This has happened to me more times than I would like to admit early into my dating career.

In Western culture, we are used to airing out our problems in the open.  If something is wrong in a relationship, we talk about it, often very loudly.  However Japanese women are often quite different.  Japanese women tend not to voice their problem directly.  Instead you are expected to read the cues and infer what the problem is.  This is probably one of the most frustrating things about dating a Japanese woman.

My advice for dating a Japanese woman is to try and be aware of these cues.  Don’t expect her to tell you when she is upset on her own volition.  You have to read the signs and bring it up to her.  Be nice about it, talk it over and hopefully you can smooth things out.  Or if you find out she’s into whips, chains and leather, get to running…or shout “Hooray”.

Hello there everyone, I am back from Hawaii, all tanned and relaxed.  I took a trip to Honolulu with some people from our company and while I ended up having to do more work than I was expected, I managed to have a good time and probably drink my bodyweight in Hawaiian beer.  Honolulu, and especially Waikiki where I visited is especially filled with Japanese people.  In fact, since the Honolulu Marathon was going on at the time, this fact was especially true.  If you are looking for a Japanese girlfriend, it turns out you don’t have to limit yourself to Japan.  In fact, it may be a great place to try out your dating skills, since women there will likely be on vacation and more up for a good time.

Anyway, today’s point is on the idea of being a foreigner in Japan.  I have touched on this topic a little bit in previous articles.  There are a lot of things to think about when it comes to dating a Japanese girl in Japan.  In a way, foreign guys have an advantage.  Being from another country makes you automatically interesting to a lot of girls.  On the other hand, you have think about the kind of woman you will attract.  There is a chance that you can end up being just another accessory – something to show off to her other friends, but not much more.  This may be just what you want – a non-committal, physical relationship that will eventually end when one of you gets bored.  What is more likely, and what has happened to a lot of guys I know – and myself – is that your relationship will end without you realizing what the deal was until after it is over.

Does that mean you should avoid any woman who is interested in you because you are not Japanese?  That wouldn’t be much fun, now would it?  I say if you are able to use your foreign-ness to your advantage, you should go to town.  However, I also thing you need to know what kind of risk you are taking, and until you know a girl likes you for who you are and not where you are from, you should be aware that she might not be the one.

Until next time,

Chris

Hello there everyone!  Chris back after a week hiatus.  It’s been two weeks, so I hope you managed to get out and about.  Despite the sometimes absurd amount of work I have to do, I try and get out and about in Yokohama, where I work.  There are plenty of good date spots in Yokohama, especially if you like a good beer, which I certainly do. I discovered a new place in Minatomirai which is 1) a great place to take a girl, and 2) a great place to get a good beer.  It’s called the World Beer Museum, and it’s in the Landmark Tower Dockyard.  It features beer from all over the world (including ever-rare Canadian beer) and has a great atmosphere all around.  It’s not cheap, but I can definitely recommend it to anyone dating a good-natured, beer-loving girl.

Anyway, today’s tip is simple, but shouldn’t be lost on anyone looking to date a Japanese girl.  In Japan there is a term that translates to “herbivore male”.  It refers to any shy, passive male who is afraid to speak up or approach a girl.  See, the stereotypical Japanese man is just that, and in addition, is reluctant to show affection or pay compliments to a girl.  In fact, I suspect that is why some Japanese women want to date a foreign guy – they want someone affectionate and who will tell them if they look good, or are smart, etc.

So simply do that – if you meet a girl with nice eyes, tell her she has nice eyes.  If you think she is sharp, tell her she is sharp.  It seems cheesy, I know, but it really does count for something.  I will say this – you should be genuine with your compliments.  Japanese women aren’t stupid – they know when someone is giving them false praise.  In fact, Japanese people regularly use compliments to move a conversation along (surely you’ve been complimented on your Japanese simply for saying hello).  But an honest and genuine compliment will help you stick in a girl’s mind.