Hello everyone and Happy New Year!  I hope you guys all got to enjoy a nice holiday and I certainly hope you guys weren’t stuck at work like some people I know.  I already told you guys a bit about New Year’s here and I hope that whether you counted down the new year in a club, with family and friends or with a nice bowl of ramen you at least had your version of a good time.  I will say that I spent my holiday doing all 3, but not at the same time.

So today we will talk about something that is a big cultural difference between Japan and North America.  I am talking PDA, or public displays of affection.

When I dated girls in the West, they always wanted to hold hands, kiss and stroke their hair on dates.  One girl was always putting her hand in my pocket, which to be honest, I found more annoying than romantic.  I suppose it lets them know I care for them, and though, to be honest, I don’t really like that kind of thing, I would generally go along for her sake.

So when I got to Japan, I thought things were the same.  So I started dating here, and eventually I found a girl who I started dating regularly, my first “girlfriend” here I guess you could say.  Anyway, I tried the same approach – She was fine with holding hands (a little stand-offish) but she was always shying away from kisses and other forms of touch – at least in public.  Behind closed doors she was very affectionate (lucky me), but when other eyes were around she was a different person.

I have learned that this is a cultural thing.  Japanese people aren’t cold per se – but they can often seem so.  And despite what rumors are going around these days, they are not asexual – thankful for all of us.  However, they are not so big on PDA.  I suspect it is because that Japanese people are always aware of who is watching them and generally don’t want to show their true feelings in public.

Basically, this is something you have to be aware of if you want to date a Japanese girl.  You might think that she is cold because she doesn’t want to hold your hand or make kissy face in public, but that isn’t necessarily the case.  She very well might want to be with you, she just doesn’t want to show a bunch of strangers.  Again, it’s one of those things you have to sense and adjust to.

I will add that this is changing with younger people and you will see couples holding hands, but it’s still pretty rare to see them kiss or do much more.

I say that if you feel comfortable with a girl, go for it and she might reciprocate.  But if she doesn’t, don’t let it kill your game.

Good luck,

Chris