• Dating Tip
  • Experiences
  • For Beginners
  • Success Stories
  • My Sweetheart is a Foreigner
  • A surefire Way of Dating Jpanese Women

Emiko’s Story

Understanding Cultural Differences.

This time we speak to a different girl, Emiko, who is in a relationship with a British man living in Japan.

No word for “付き合い”?

No word for

Interviewer: Nice to meet you Emiko. I’d like to talk to you a little bit about your experiences with your British boyfriend. First of all, how is it going out with a foreign man? Good? Anything particularly good or bad about it?

Emiko: There’s many good things. He is very direct. For example when we first went out together, he bought me a bouquet of flowers. He was making it clear that he liked me. I had never received one from a guy before, so it was a wonderful surprise. In terms of puzzling things… I guess that there is no word in English for “付き合い”.

Beginning a natural relationship

Interviewer: Really? So there isn’t a word for that? So how did you first feel like you were in a relationship?

Well they have the word “going out” but it’s a little different, and there is no particular time when you start to use it.
The first time it felt official to me was when we met one of his friends and he asked if I was his girlfriend. he confidently replied yes. I guess it was no big deal to me as he already felt like it was official, but it was quite a big deal for me as it was the first time to hear it from him.
Afterwards he explained that it’s kind of official for them after a few dates together… it’s just kind of assumed that you’re boyfriend and girlfriend. It could be viewed by some women as a negative, and ironically as quite indirect (when foreign men are usually very direct), but it’s not like that… it’s just a different culture.

Exchanging opinions

Interviewer: So, are there any difficulties you feel in your relationship now?

Emiko: Well, I guess just that he has lots of opinions about everything. For example, the other day after we watched a movie at the cinema. I asked him afterwards what he thought. Although I kinda wanted him to just say ‘it was good’ and then shut up, he started going on about which aspects were good, and which aspects should have been better (laughs). It wasn’t really a problem, but it did distract me a little from my mood as the credits were rolling.

Interviewer: Haha. Yes. I can understand how that might be grating. I guess his having strong opinions can be a good thing too though?

Emiko: Absolutely. I think it’s important to have opinions, and that Japanese people in general don’t have enough of them, always leaving it to others. Being able to speak to different people in a different language also helps with that.

Interviewer: Great. So those cons in your relationship are also pros when looked at differently. Good for you!

Ryoko’s Story

The following is an interview with a Japanese woman Ryoko, who is in a relationship with an American man. This may help give you some insight into how Japanese women view relationships with foreigners.

A Relationship Begins…

Interviewer: Hi Ryoko, thanks for taking the time to talk with me today. I’d like to talk to you about your relationship with your American boyfriend. First of all, how long have you been going out and how did you meet?

Ryoko: This month marks our second anniversary. We met through a mutual friend. I don’t use English in my work, but had been studying for a while at an English school, and so was able to engage in basic conversation. That said though, I was not particularly accustomed to speaking with foreigners. We met at a party through this mutual friend, and were able to get talking there.

Interviewer: And so you spoke English at the party?

Ryoko: Not really, I was kind of uncomfortable speaking English at that stage, especially with foreigners, and so I was mainly just speaking Japanese with other Japanese. He came and talked to me though, so I had no choice. I was also a little drunk at that point, so that helped his cause (laughs)!

Interviewer: I see, so he couldn’t speak Japanese?

Ryoko: That’s right. We struggled a little to begin with, as we spoke only English together, and mine wasn’t/isn’t great.

The appeal of a foreign man…

Interviewer: So he contacted you afterwards asking for a date?

Ryoko: Yes, we exchanged email addresses at the party, and a few days afterwards, he mailed me asking to meet again. It was pretty clear that he meant a date.

Interviewer: Yes, many women say recently that Japanese men are too gentle, and not brave enough to just ask a girl out on a date.

Ryoko: Well, I don’t think it’s necessarily true to say all foreigners are like that. It of course depends on the individual. However, I’d say that foreigners are definitely more comfortable saying how they feel than Japanese men (and women). There’s also the ‘ladies first’ mentality, with men being more gentlemanly, and treating women more like princesses. Foreign men are more likely to say and do sweet or romantic things, that Japanese men may be too embarrassed to say/do.

Interviewer: Well people often liken Japanese men to herbivores, and foreign men to carnivores.

Ryoko: (laughs) Yes, I can kind understand that.

The obstacle of English

Interviewer: So what problems did you face after you started your relationship?

Ryoko: Well really, language was the big issue. He works in the Japanese branch of a foreign company and doesn’t really use Japanese, so he doesn’t really learn. On the other hand, my English was only quite basic at that time. There are many expressions unique to Japanese, and I was quite hesitant to speak a lot of the time. He would often encourage me to speak up and give my opinions.

Interviewer: Did that cause fights?

Ryoko: Not so much fights, but problems and misunderstandings. Sometimes it would cause friction and I would worry about it. he would often tell me to say what I thought, and while I wanted to, I couldn’t express it in English, which would upset me. But he learnt to understand that situation and feeling in me, which helped us. Over time too my English has improved, mainly thanks to my relationship with him.

Interviewer: So you were able to surmount the obstacle of English…

The many interests of foreigners

Interviewer: Many Japanese women are interested in relationships with foreigners. Do you have any suggestions or advice for them?

Ryoko: Well my boyfriend is American, and while other nationalities may be different, one big difference between him and Japanese men is his variety of interests.He talks about all kinds of different topics which interest him, and is much broader in his knowledge than most Japanese, who tend to just know about things which are relevant to them. It is fun for me to talk to him about these things and learn from him about the world.

So to women who want to have a relationship with foreigners, I would recommend broadening their horizons a little, and learning about topics so that they can converse about them a little, for example, history, international politics etc. It also helps to be able to speak at least basic English as well of course!

Interviewer: And even if they meet any foreigners, this advice is still going to benefit them!

Ryoko: When you are in a relationship with someone from a different culture, there are of course a number of obstacles and issues you will face. Over time, and with trust, affection, and cooperation, you can get over them together. He’s now studying Japanese in his free time, as he wants to be able to speak to my friends and family.

Interviewer: So do you think he may ask you to marry him soon?

Ryoko: I already told him I’m waiting for that (laughs)!

James’ story

James, a foreign man surprised that in the romance of dating a Japanese woman.

It is said that the more foreign men to watch movies, the more they yearn for Japanese women. It is not uncommon foreign men are surprised at the difference between the ideal and reality of Japanese women who dare to envision a relationship with a Japanese woman but really. In recent years many people will have a much better strength in Japanese women and men, are also various types. If your country is different, the culture difference, food is also different. But encountered various differences, there are a lot of foreign men and Japanese women that relationship.

Here’s James’ story:

How did you meet?

"Haha … that’s a common question”

I came to Japan from the United States as a lecturer of English school three years ago. I was hoping there was a long interest in Japan, I had been studying a little Japanese self-taught, whether it is not more progress if you actually go to Japan. Many Japanese I live in America, but there are many restaurants of Japanese, I did not see much in Louisiana live in me, he’s had a yearning to Japan superfluous.

Wherever you go, so be popular just because at that time I came to Japan with foreigners, I was going out with a few Japanese women. I’ve had people approaching, true love will not want to, because I still alien. I knew it from the moment I met her.

I am six months later I go out with a Japanese woman now, she is met with a referral from English school students. I had to say and I’m studying Japanese, student he had introduced me to.
Of course, it is the first assumption is that, as a friend.

I had said that she wanted to study English, I mean there was a condition.
I was OK with a light heart would be all-too-common pattern of Japanese women who ever met.

How did your relationship start?

"From friends to lovers"

I came to Japan I think at the same time had been longing to Japan, I I have felt attracted to Japanese women, and such would have a lot of women like Ms. Koyuki the role of high-Last Samurai was. However, I was surprised I came to Tokyo. Most women do not see that first come the clothes, I often women who have dyed brown hair instead of black as well.

brown hair was a Japanese woman I was introduced, people who later become my girlfriend.
Again, the fact that the Japanese taught from her purpose since I was, where I met were many cafes. She is a very serious nature, and that there is no delay in the time never

I am I would always you waiting for.
Still, I am greeted me with a smile, "Have you been well?" she said. As I remember the Japanese and go, so she also speaks English more and more, if you have time more than ever, we are now waiting to meet you.

It is the little her hair is not black, but it is a very beautiful features.
Do not ask yourself what, I white, women still I prefer this kind.
She may personality, and I want to go out with this woman, I tried to take the plunge and ask out.
Instead of studying, it is a date.

She was approached differently to me up to now as "Japanese women love foreign men."
I was worried about, and try to have turned down from her, kindly get the OK, has started dating from there.

Any surprises?

"The first was puzzled to differences in diet"

Recently, I sometimes eat dinner with your parents to go to her house,
Still not good, but it is raw fish and natto. Since there is no habit of eating raw fish still.
There is still resistance. I like sushi, raw fish grip is riding and I am weak.
But then the table is always natto at her house, it seems always behave the sushi and sashimi platter visitor has come to say.

In Japan it seems to be natural hospitality, I is not eat (laughs)
Was to be honest, "I can not eat", I was careful with her "even if you do not say like that honestly." I was made to study and hit the rude sometimes be honest in Japan.

"Even that she was raging in the escort …"

Without even noticeably, my girlfriend is in a Japanese woman, I have thought that it Japanese women typically without even modest, but that I was surprised is jealous Surprisingly there.
I have been growing up are the norm, and you can come to escort the woman for Westerners, rather than just her escort only, It is something for the whole woman.

Profusely, I might become angry and she would be kind to women too.
Also, As I said before, I do not have experience in the United States of the home country that I was Mote to women, since coming to Japan, I can call out from a Japanese woman profusely. She is also worried about it.

How do you see your relationship in the future?

"I have overcome the cultural differences!"

I sense I have been dating a Japanese woman, and I’m still such that it is difficult, "meet also understand if you do not say" and "caring" peculiar Japanese. It is often said that the Japanese from her, "and you can see if you do not say," I understand it is hard for me. Maybe you can read the air, feeling and moving like that, in the "mercy" as the Japanese are rare. May offend her or unconsciously so.

Surprised that in this way, but there are many other, I love Japanese girlfriend like that. Not jealousy foreign women is great. I hope to know each other one by one in the future, to understand each other, and I wish I could marry her.

to page top